why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just forgot I was standing up.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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