i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
