y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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