what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
