so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
