someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
