Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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