First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Vodka?
Forever.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
