and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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