Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
honey bunches of taint.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
