New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
