Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There was a lot of him and a little penis
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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