you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
