fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
