I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
