I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
