don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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