Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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