I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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