We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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