Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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