I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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