It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
