My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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