if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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