Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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