I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have aggressive nipples.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
