i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
