She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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