check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
