is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
