Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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