There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
