we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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