guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
