Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
