What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
