not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Panties = found
Randomize
