forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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