flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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