New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
