Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
