evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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