life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
