dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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