i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
