There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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