No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
