i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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