I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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