We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would fuck him just for his dog
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
