i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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