Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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