escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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