I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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