Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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