There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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