I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
