...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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