This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
